Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
