things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
