i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
