Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize