There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
