Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
