Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
