I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
