mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
