that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
