i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
