she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
