I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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