Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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