she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
