I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
