is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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