Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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