I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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