is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
