Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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