do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Help. Why am I so naked?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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