kristin has been a bad kristin
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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