Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Floor bacon is actually really good
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize