If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Are we still banned from the library?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
