a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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