sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
