Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
