I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
