Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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