My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
