is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
