Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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