dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
