Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
