her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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