I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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