she was so not down for the gang bang
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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