I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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