My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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