yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
