it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
