That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
