Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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