I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
