OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
