so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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