Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
