You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize