Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
