I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
