There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
