Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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