He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
