Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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