Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
