I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
