Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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