Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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