why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
