Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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