Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
