I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
