I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
