Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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