Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
