God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Too much gin, very little bucket
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
