ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
