I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
