Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
