all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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